When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I am available for nakedness
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
