jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Randomize
