forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
