asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
well, you know. whores of a feather.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
