I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
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