hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
