i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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