We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
