I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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