It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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