i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
