there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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