I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
