My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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