Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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