I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
