If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
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