i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
