i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
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