I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
