need another drink. this is the easiest way
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
