i love accidental penises.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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