Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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