let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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