She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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