I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
