she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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