There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
