I'm eating all of the evidence.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
