weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
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