I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
