i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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