this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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