God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
