if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I wish my penis had an off switch
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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