butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Randomize
