Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize