please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
