How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
You made out with two different species that night
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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