I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
