You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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