it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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