Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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