I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
