Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i would punch a child for taco bell
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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