My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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