i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize