I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
