fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize
