This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Less talking, more tequila
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
