i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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