my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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