Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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