Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Randomize
