you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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