2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I cockslap morals
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
