I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
