I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
