shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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