first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
