Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize
