I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Randomize
