4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
