1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
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