I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
