CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
