Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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