you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
