My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
