I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize