I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
