is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
