thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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