I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
