the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
