bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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