Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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