Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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