Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
