You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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