Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
