I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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