were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
