I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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