I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
