my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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