I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
