we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
