Her vagina should come with caution tape.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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