Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize