i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
How external is "for external use only"?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
