the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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