K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
