somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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