I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
