Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize