Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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