turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize